Catechism yesterday was fruitful, no doubt. It always is. I think I've finally figured out what I want; how I want to feel before confirmation.
Confirmation is such a scary thing. Haha. And before I go through it, I guess I just really want to know myself, and God. I want to know that I'm ready for it, and that God thinks I'm ready for this too. Sometimes, I go to bed feeling one thing, and wake up feeling another. And this really scares me.
I guess self-discovery comes with a lot of reflecting. Who's better at teaching you about yourself but yourself? Right? Haha. Sometimes, reflecting, especially when I'm by myself, brings me back to places I never want to remember. It ties together every bad experience with regret. And then I start to wonder why my stupidity let me go there. Sometimes we blame God for our problems, knowing that it's never His fault. And sometimes we blame ourselves, we wallow in self-annoyance.
Honestly in the end, it doesn't matter whose fault anything is. Everything happens for a reason. It may be to learn something, to gain something, to feel something... And all these things will add up to who we are.
I want a hungry confirmation. I want to be hungry, to learn and know God, for Faith, for God's Love.
I don't know what to feel anymore. I don't know how to feel anymore. I don't want to feel anymore.
Sunday, 20 January 2013
Monday, 7 January 2013
Hello 2013
HOLA! Haha. Ok I've been wanting to blog for a really long time but I've just been putting it off cause I lack time and energy and well I'm a lazy ass procrastinator hahaha.
I know it's kinda late but... MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR! :) LOL.
Sooo, I know a lotta people are wondering what's up with the US thing and stuff, but sadly all I can reveal is TIME is KEY.
Well school's just started and Sec 3 life's not really been doing good to my body clock. Not to mention the initial jetlag problem. :( However it did get better over time though. It's much better now. Yay lol. :) Sec 3's a really crucial year, and I'm taking my Chinese O's this year! Which means 2013 is no frikin joke haha. I just hope my mugger side knows that.
Today was the first 'official' day of school (the week before was counted as week 0?) and I'm not kidding when I say I'm already starting to feel the pressure. We've already got a good amount of homework and apparently there's this Chinese CA Compo Test thing next Wednesday. The 3rd week of school, really? I'll prolly flunk it hahaha, so I'm just gonna...hope for the best, but expect the worst HAHA.
LORD, SAVE US! Haha.
ANYWAY, new year; new resolutions! Here's mine:
1. KEEP FIT
Haha ok, I'm not really a very sportsy person, besides Dance maybe hahaha, and I hate PE, so this is definitely number 1 on my list! I won't get fat and it helps in healthy living. :D LOL.
2. Be punctual (or early)
I realise in 2012 I've always been the later party, which is really bad. Sorry to the people who've waited for me for hours on end. :( I'll try better! Haha.
3. Learn to say NO.
In 2012, I'm constantly going out, lending money, etc. And I realise it's because I find it really hard to say no. This year, I can't really afford that, and it's a bad habit to have. I need to learn to say no. :(
That's prolly it for now. 3's enough, really. Resolutions are easy to make, but hard to live by. Haha.
Honestly, I'm really scared for this new year. Everything is just going really fast. Too fast. And I feel myself distancing from my friends. Especially me ex-classmates. Somehow, we all knew it would happen sometime, maybe we just weren't prepared for it, or we didn't expect it to be so soon.
Church life has gone by in a whoosh too. We're Con 3 now! Exciting? Yes. Nerve-wrecking? YES. What does it mean to be confirmed? And where do you go after that? I'm so afraid I'll screw up Confirmation, or I'm not ready for it. What happens when you're not ready? How do you know you are? There's just so much to learn about.
I remember once in mass, Father was talking about our Father. And he asked us, "Yes, you know everything about the Lord, but do you know Him?" which really scared me.
It's true. We learn and know so much about God from the bible, and from mass, but do we really know Him? We know He's loving, and kind. He is who He is. But who is He?
I've heard Confirmation year is also about finding ourselves and knowing who we truly are. At this age, who I am is a teenage girl struggling through school. But we all know we have more than an academic face to us. What is seen in school is limited. Sometimes, it's superficial. Who am I truly? I have no idea. Haha. But I've also heard that finding oneself comes from reflecting and soul-searching. Some take maybe a week? Others a month and some, a lifetime.
I want to know myself and I want to understand God. I want to know Him, but how can I know someone who I've never met, or seen? Faith.
Faith gives us strength and courage. It tells us that God is always there, even though He isn't. That there's the Holy Spirit within us, and that God will provide, because He loves us.
I can't wait for catechism to begin.
Sometimes, we judge people without knowing and sometimes, people judge us, upsetting us. Just know that in the end of the day, we all face one judge and only Him alone. Pay more attention to your Creator than your critics.
How you see the world is how the world is to you. See it dark and lonely, and you will be. See it enchanting, and discover so much. See it hopeful, and have wonder in your eyes.
You don't have to wait for a new year to be a better person. Change starts now. Change begins with you.
Somehow, I'm ready. And somehow, I'll get through this, with determination and Courage, with Hope and Love. With Faith. With God. Somehow, we'll do this.
I know it's kinda late but... MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR! :) LOL.
Sooo, I know a lotta people are wondering what's up with the US thing and stuff, but sadly all I can reveal is TIME is KEY.
Well school's just started and Sec 3 life's not really been doing good to my body clock. Not to mention the initial jetlag problem. :( However it did get better over time though. It's much better now. Yay lol. :) Sec 3's a really crucial year, and I'm taking my Chinese O's this year! Which means 2013 is no frikin joke haha. I just hope my mugger side knows that.
Today was the first 'official' day of school (the week before was counted as week 0?) and I'm not kidding when I say I'm already starting to feel the pressure. We've already got a good amount of homework and apparently there's this Chinese CA Compo Test thing next Wednesday. The 3rd week of school, really? I'll prolly flunk it hahaha, so I'm just gonna...hope for the best, but expect the worst HAHA.
LORD, SAVE US! Haha.
ANYWAY, new year; new resolutions! Here's mine:
1. KEEP FIT
Haha ok, I'm not really a very sportsy person, besides Dance maybe hahaha, and I hate PE, so this is definitely number 1 on my list! I won't get fat and it helps in healthy living. :D LOL.
2. Be punctual (or early)
I realise in 2012 I've always been the later party, which is really bad. Sorry to the people who've waited for me for hours on end. :( I'll try better! Haha.
3. Learn to say NO.
In 2012, I'm constantly going out, lending money, etc. And I realise it's because I find it really hard to say no. This year, I can't really afford that, and it's a bad habit to have. I need to learn to say no. :(
That's prolly it for now. 3's enough, really. Resolutions are easy to make, but hard to live by. Haha.
Honestly, I'm really scared for this new year. Everything is just going really fast. Too fast. And I feel myself distancing from my friends. Especially me ex-classmates. Somehow, we all knew it would happen sometime, maybe we just weren't prepared for it, or we didn't expect it to be so soon.
Church life has gone by in a whoosh too. We're Con 3 now! Exciting? Yes. Nerve-wrecking? YES. What does it mean to be confirmed? And where do you go after that? I'm so afraid I'll screw up Confirmation, or I'm not ready for it. What happens when you're not ready? How do you know you are? There's just so much to learn about.
I remember once in mass, Father was talking about our Father. And he asked us, "Yes, you know everything about the Lord, but do you know Him?" which really scared me.
It's true. We learn and know so much about God from the bible, and from mass, but do we really know Him? We know He's loving, and kind. He is who He is. But who is He?
I've heard Confirmation year is also about finding ourselves and knowing who we truly are. At this age, who I am is a teenage girl struggling through school. But we all know we have more than an academic face to us. What is seen in school is limited. Sometimes, it's superficial. Who am I truly? I have no idea. Haha. But I've also heard that finding oneself comes from reflecting and soul-searching. Some take maybe a week? Others a month and some, a lifetime.
I want to know myself and I want to understand God. I want to know Him, but how can I know someone who I've never met, or seen? Faith.
Faith gives us strength and courage. It tells us that God is always there, even though He isn't. That there's the Holy Spirit within us, and that God will provide, because He loves us.
I can't wait for catechism to begin.
Sometimes, we judge people without knowing and sometimes, people judge us, upsetting us. Just know that in the end of the day, we all face one judge and only Him alone. Pay more attention to your Creator than your critics.
How you see the world is how the world is to you. See it dark and lonely, and you will be. See it enchanting, and discover so much. See it hopeful, and have wonder in your eyes.
You don't have to wait for a new year to be a better person. Change starts now. Change begins with you.
Somehow, I'm ready. And somehow, I'll get through this, with determination and Courage, with Hope and Love. With Faith. With God. Somehow, we'll do this.
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