Today, it is 30th of January, 2014. It has been only around 2 months that I've been Confirmed.
And in this past time, God has indeed opened my eyes.
The secular world we live in is a scary place. There are politics that can sometimes get out of hand, the false idols that distract us and make us lose our way, the temptations that if we don't overcome, might destroy us. And everyday, we have to deal with situations that lead us to fall into sin. Everyday is a battle with yourself.
I feel many people have the misconception that in church, things will be different from the secular world and everything is happy. I was one of the fools who thought so in the beginning of my post-confirmation.
What I've come to realise is that yes, although the church is a place of teaching of the scripture, and praising & worshipping The Lord; more often than not, the church is also the place filled with sinners. It is the place of brokenness and healing.
Conflicts had arisen in my parish which caused me to feel troubled. I was sharing with a friend one night about church matters and he told me that some people do what they do because everyone else is doing it. They do so because they want to fit in, even if it is the wrong thing. At this I couldn't help but feel disappointed. Is this really what we have come to? Following suit even if it is against your own morals? Your own conscience? Maybe your own religion? For the sake of not being isolated? For the sake of 'fitting in'?
The hilarious thing about this is that we know what's wrong and what's right. We know the consequences of doing things, which includes hurting people at times. All this is possible because God gave us a conscience and feelings. However, we are too blinded by what the world has to offer and often choose to do what pleases us instead of what would please God.
"And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?" {Matthew 16:26}
God has also opened my eyes to my own sins and selfishness. As humans, our nature is to put ourselves as our centres. We think only of our needs and our benefits, and in this process, we fail to discover what God has in plan for us; God's vocation for us. This causes us to have an empty feeling within us. We find no purpose in life which causes unhappiness and frustration.
These two things are what have led me to set my first resolution for 2014:
To live by Faith & let go of the earthly things. To be christ-centered.
One of the things I've noticed about myself last year was that more often than not, I let what others' said about me get to me. I didn't have a strong identity, which greatly affected my relationship with others', be it with family or friends.
What is this identity? Is it what you want to be? Or who you were? Or is this who people think you are? What others' say about you? What you have? What you don't? No, it is none of those. As Christians, we believe that our identity should always be rooted in Christ. Our identity is simply that we are blessed & loved children of God, the Father.
This simple statement may seem easy to internalize and follow, but in the secular world? In the secular world we get judged on a daily basis. We get criticised and people talk behind our backs. We get put down, or sometimes, even getting lifted up may affect our identity, that is when we get lifted up too high. All these things affect our identity in christ, if we let them affect us.
Which is why my second resolution for 2014 is:
To have a strongly rooted identity in Christ. To draw strength from The Lord instead of depending on my own.
And of course, lastly, Secondary 4 is a very important year for my peers and myself. It's only been 1 month into the year and I'm already starting to suffocate, getting merely 5-6 hours of sleep a day is no surprise anymore. In fact, I remember a week into the year and I was already dead beat! O Levels is really taking a toll on everyone.
Leading my to my last resolution for 2014:
A1 for O Levels & not to let this national examination affect my spiritual life.
2013 was a rough year, 2014 isn't easy, but I'm living on the hope that things will get better.
Good luck and JIAYOU to everyone who's taking O's this year!
P.S. there's now FINALLY a Starbucks in Toa Payoh!!!!!
Shalyn.
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