I believe in the power of prayer.

So here are some pics from the last few days (months) (things I've been lacking)…There's been so many things I want to blog about, but I can't do so about everything, so here are some things…

So there's studying with Gladys during post-Chinese Os period to the last day of Catechism…ok I'm tired already hahaha.

Okay well one major thing that happened was my grandfather's 70th birthday. We made him this super big card. And had fancy dinner. This only made me realise how far we've come. I've been staying with my grandparents almost all my life and sometimes I feel I take them for granted. I find it harder to tell the older generation how I feel…stuff like 'I love you' just doesn't roll off my tongue easy when it comes to them…blame the generation gap? Maybe?

Oh there was also Chinese Os. I will not talk about that because well yeah hahaha.

And…just yesterday was the last day of Catechism. :'(

I would just like to thank Andre, my catechist, for being one of the best and for being a 'father-like' figure to me. He's really taught me, and inspired me, and I honestly wish I could stay in his class for a longer time. He's been a great contributor to my growth, especially from Sec 1 and without him, I wouldn't be me. (As cliche as it sounds.)

But all good things come to an end for even better. Confirmation! Camp is coming up and I'm mega excited and nervous for it. Excited for the experience, nervous about the people. I just hope through the camp my faith will be strengthened. Keep us in your prayers dear readers.

After church yesterday Bern came over to my house then we met Zac for mass. After that Zac and I had dinner at Ichiban woo hahaha. I had a really good time just killing time with Zac while we were being retards at Ichiban and Popular. HTHT yey. Oh and embarrassing each other over whatsapp ha ha ha.

Okay other than this nothing happened because I am a very boring person. I bet this bores you LOL.

Oh and to my good friend, stay strong babe. God has a reason for everything whether we know it or not and he works in mysterious ways. I know you don't feel it and you've walked out of faith, but the door is never closed. I'll keep you in my prayers. We love you always. 

There was a spider in my room and I was afraid. 

God bless,

Shalyn.

Sins & Addictions.

Slowly but surely, I'm losing faith not only in myself, but in my Saviour…and I'm hating myself for it.

Are we accountable for our emotions? Is it my fault I'm feeling this way? Some part of me tells me it is, but the other says otherwise. The truth is as the days go past, I'm starting to see my spiritual life become bleaker and bleaker. I'm getting from moderate to moderately dying and trust me there's a difference.

Maybe the problem is that I have no self-control. Or that I'm addicted.

Sometimes I imagine the devil in the room with me, watching me and taunting me to do bad things. Then there's Jesus in the other corner but he's simply standing, not saying a word or doing anything. And I give in. The devil wins.

I'm a horrible person and I can feel my spirit dying. I can feel Jesus disappointed with me because I am with myself. How can I be a better person? I've tried, and tried but I'm not getting better. How can we be good people, if the world keeps caving in? Because I'm only 15, I'm feeling guilty for my sins as hell, and I have no idea what to do.

Pray? I don't think the problem lies with the praying, but with the short moment of decision making; that turning point where you make the decision to sin or not. It's the temptation that you give into, and in those few moments, the only thing running through your mind is 'God will forgive'.

Can we blame the devil? No, I have no one to blame but myself. So my question is; how can God forgive me if I can't even forgive myself? Will he? Because sometimes I wish he wouldn't -- I just don't deserve it.

Jesus, have mercy on my sins and help me, please.

Tiramisu, Blondies & Green Pancakes.

We baed today. It was quite a failure. But fun nonetheless, as always…..laughing our heads off at absolutely nothing…..but I'll remember this day for a long time. :)

SO Choir Camp's tomorrow. I don't know if I should be excited, or afraid, but I think I'm currently having a jumble of both. I just hope everyone enjoys the activities and hopefully nothing will go wrong.

AND Confirmation is coming!! Which I'm really psyched for. Archie Nicholas Chia's doing the 'confirming' and not Archie William Goh though. But it's the process that matters more I guess. I'm quite nervous for Confirmation Camp though. I don't have a good history with camps so good luck to me.

THEN there's Christmas. I really don't mind just skipping November and diving straight into December. There's Confirmation, YCS camp and of course the birth of our Saviour Jesus Christ. I'm just really happy we're having a Christmas tree this year. I really want a white one. I don't remember ever having a tree for Christmas. Ever. But I guess what's more important is that this year I'm spending it home with my family, which I didn't get to do the previous year. It's always a blessing to be able to spend Christmas with family!

Okay this is a really lame and short post but I'll blog more when I actually have things to blog about.

Oh & I hate players or ok most males since most of you are players except for the few ya ok bye.